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confessions of an english opium-eater-第2章

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n 〃whose talk is of oxen〃 should become an opium…eater; the probability is that (if he is not too dull to dream at all) he will dream about oxen; whereas; in the case before him; the reader will find that the Opium…eater boasteth himself to be a philosopher; and accordingly; that the phantasmagoria of HIS dreams (waking or sleeping; day…dreams or night…dreams) is suitable to one who in that character


Humani nihil a se alienum putat。


For amongst the conditions which he deems indispensable to the sustaining of any claim to the title of philosopher is not merely the possession of a superb intellect in its ANALYTIC functions (in which part of the pretensions; however; England can for some generations show but few claimants; at least; he is not aware of any known candidate for this honour who can be styled emphatically A SUBTLE THINKER; with the exception of SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE; and in a narrower department of thought with the recent illustrious exception {2} of DAVID RICARDO) but also on such a constitution of the MORAL faculties as shall give him an inner eye and power of intuition for the vision and the mysteries of our human nature: THAT constitution of faculties; in short; which (amongst all the generations of men that from the beginning of time have deployed into life; as it were; upon this planet) our English poets have possessed in the highest degree; and Scottish professors {3} in the lowest。

I have often been asked how I first came to be a regular opium… eater; and have suffered; very unjustly; in the opinion of my acquaintance from being reputed to have brought upon myself all the sufferings which I shall have to record; by a long course of indulgence in this practice purely for the sake of creating an artificial state of pleasurable excitement。  This; however; is a misrepresentation of my case。  True it is that for nearly ten years I did occasionally take opium for the sake of the exquisite pleasure it gave me; but so long as I took it with this view I was effectually protected from all material bad consequences by the necessity of interposing long intervals between the several acts of indulgence; in order to renew the pleasurable sensations。  It was not for the purpose of creating pleasure; but of mitigating pain in the severest degree; that I first began to use opium as an article of daily diet。  In the twenty…eighth year of my age a most painful affection of the stomach; which I had first experienced about ten years before; attacked me in great strength。  This affection had originally been caused by extremities of hunger; suffered in my boyish days。  During the season of hope and redundant happiness which succeeded (that is; from eighteen to twenty…four) it had slumbered; for the three following years it had revived at intervals; and now; under unfavourable circumstances; from depression of spirits; it attacked me with a violence that yielded to no remedies but opium。  As the youthful sufferings which first produced this derangement of the stomach were interesting in themselves; and in the circumstances that attended them; I shall here briefly retrace them。

My father died when I was about seven years old; and left me to the care of four guardians。  I was sent to various schools; great and small; and was very early distinguished for my classical attainments; especially for my knowledge of Greek。  At thirteen I wrote Greek with ease; and at fifteen my command of that language was so great that I not only composed Greek verses in lyric metres; but could converse in Greek fluently and without embarrassmentan accomplishment which I have not since met with in any scholar of my times; and which in my case was owing to the practice of daily reading off the newspapers into the best Greek I could furnish extempore; for the necessity of ransacking my memory and invention for all sorts and combinations of periphrastic expressions as equivalents for modern ideas; images; relations of things; &c。; gave me a compass of diction which would never have been called out by a dull translation of moral essays; &c。  〃That boy;〃 said one of my masters; pointing the attention of a stranger to me; 〃that boy could harangue an Athenian mob better than you and I could address an English one。〃  He who honoured me with this eulogy was a scholar; 〃and a ripe and a good one;〃 and of all my tutors was the only one whom I loved or reverenced。  Unfortunately for me (and; as I afterwards learned; to this worthy man's great indignation); I was transferred to the care; first of a blockhead; who was in a perpetual panic lest I should expose his ignorance; and finally to that of a respectable scholar at the head of a great school on an ancient foundation。  This man had been appointed to his situation byCollege; Oxford; and was a sound; well…built scholar; but (like most men whom I have known from that college) coarse; clumsy; and inelegant。  A miserable contrast he presented; in my eyes; to the Etonian brilliancy of my favourite master; and beside; he could not disguise from my hourly notice the poverty and meagreness of his understanding。  It is a bad thing for a boy to be and to know himself far beyond his tutors; whether in knowledge or in power of mind。  This was the case; so far as regarded knowledge at least; not with myself only; for the two boys; who jointly with myself composed the first form; were better Grecians than the head…master; though not more elegant scholars; nor at all more accustomed to sacrifice to the Graces。  When I first entered I remember that we read Sophocles; and it was a constant matter of triumph to us; the learned triumvirate of the first form; to see our 〃Archididascalus〃 (as he loved to be called) conning our lessons before we went up; and laying a regular train; with lexicon and grammar; for blowing up and blasting (as it were) any difficulties he found in the choruses; whilst WE never condescended to open our books until the moment of going up; and were generally employed in writing epigrams upon his wig or some such important matter。  My two class…fellows were poor; and dependent for their future prospects at the university on the recommendation of the head…master; but I; who had a small patrimonial property; the income of which was sufficient to support me at college; wished to be sent thither immediately。  I made earnest representations on the subject to my guardians; but all to no purpose。  One; who was more reasonable and had more knowledge of the world than the rest; lived at a distance; two of the other three resigned all their authority into the hands of the fourth; and this fourth; with whom I had to negotiate; was a worthy man in his way; but haughty; obstinate; and intolerant of all opposition to his will。  After a certain number of letters and personal interviews; I found that I had nothing to hope for; not even a compromise of the matter; from my guardian。  Unconditional submission was what he demanded; and I prepared myself; therefore; for other measures。 Summer was now coming on with hasty steps; and my seventeenth birthday was fast approaching; after which day I had sworn within myself that I would no longer be numbered amongst schoolboys。  Money being what I chiefly wanted; I wrote to a woman of high rank; who; though young herself; had known me from a child; and had latterly treated me with great distinction; requesting that she would 〃lend〃 me five guineas。  For upwards of a week no answer came; and I was beginning to despond; when at length a servant put into my hands a double letter with a coronet on the seal。  The letter was kind and obliging。  The fair writer was on the sea…coast; and in that way the delay had arisen; she enclosed double of what I had asked; and good… naturedly hinted that if I should NEVER repay her; it would not absolutely ruin her。  Now; then; I was prepared for my scheme。  Ten guineas; added to about two which I had remaining from my pocket… money; seemed to me sufficient for an indefinite length of time; and at that happy age; if no DEFINITE boundary can be assigned to one's power; the spirit of hope and pleasure makes it virtually infinite。

It is a just remark of Dr。 Johnson's (and; what cannot often be said of his remarks; it is a very feeling one); that we never do anything consciously for the last time (of things; that is; which we have long been in the habit of doing) without sadness of heart。  This truth I felt deeply when I came to leave …; a place which I did not love; and where I had not been happy。  On the evening before I left… …for ever; I grieved when the ancient and lofty schoolroom resounded with the evening service; performed for the last time in my hearing; and at night; when the muster…roll of names was called over; and mine (as usual) was called first; I stepped forward; and passing the head…master; who was standing by; I bowed to him; and looked earnestly in his face; thinking to myself; 〃He is old and infirm; and in this world I shall not see him again。〃  I was right; I never DID see him again; nor ever shall。  He looked at me complacently; smiled good…naturedly; returned my salutation (or rather my valediction); and we parted (though he knew it not) for ever。  I could not reverence him intellectually; but he had been uniformly kind to me; and ha
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