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Not as I knows on；〃 and made sarcastic signals on his nose。 Perhaps he
is of Dr Johnson's opinion about lectures： 〃Lectures； sir！ what man
would go to hear that imperfectly at a lecture； which he can read at leisure
in a book？〃 I never went； of my own choice； to a lecture； that I can
vow。 As for sermons； they are different； I delight in them； and they
cannot； of course； be too long。
Well； we partook of yet other Christmas delights besides pantomime；
pudding； and pie。 One glorious； one delightful； one most unlucky and
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pleasant day； we drove in a brougham； with a famous horse； which carried
us more quickly and briskly than any of your vulgar railways； over
Battersea Bridge； on which the horse's hoofs rung as if it had been iron；
through suburban villages； plum…caked with snow； under a leaden sky； in
which the sun hung like a red…hot warming…pan； by pond after pond；
where not only men and boys； but scores after scores of women and girls；
were sliding； and roaring； and clapping their lean old sides with laughter；
as they tumbled down； and their hobnailed shoes flew up in the air； the
air frosty with a lilac haze； through which villas； and commons； and
churches； and plantations glimmered。 We drive up the hill； Bob and I；
we make the last two miles in eleven minutes； we pass that poor； armless
man who sits there in the cold； following you with his eyes。 I don't give
anything； and Bob looks disappointed。 We are set down neatly at the
gate； and a horse…holder opens the brougham door。 I don't give anything；
again disappointment on Bob's part。 I pay a shilling apiece； and we enter
into the glorious building； which is decorated for Christmas； and
straightway forgetfulness on Bob's part of everything but that magnificent
scene。 The enormous edifice is all decorated for Bob and Christmas。
The stalls； the columns； the fountains； courts； statues； splendours； are all
crowned for Christmas。 The delicious negro is singing his Alabama
choruses for Christmas and Bob。 He has scarcely done； when；
Tootarootatoo！ Mr Punch is performing his surprising actions； and
hanging the beadle。 The stalls are decorated。 The refreshment…tables
are piled with good things； at many fountains 〃Mulled Claret〃 is written
up in appetizing capitals。 〃Mulled Claret oh； jolly！ How cold it is！〃
says Bob； I pass on。 〃It's only three o'clock；〃 says Bob。 〃No； only
three；〃 I say meekly。 〃We dine at seven；〃 sighs Bob； 〃and it's so…o…o coo…
old。〃 I still would take no hints。 No claret； no refreshment； no
sandwiches； no sausage…rolls for Bob。 At last I am obliged to tell him all。
Just before we left home； a little Christmas bill popped in at the door and
emptied my purse at the threshold。 I forgot all about the transaction； and
had to borrow half…a…crown from John Coachman to pay for our entrance
into the palace of delight。 Now you see； Bob； why I could not treat you
on that second of January when we drove to the palace together； when
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the girls and boys were sliding on the ponds at Dulwich； when the
darkling river was full of floating ice； and the sun was like a warming…pan
in the leaden sky。
One more Christmas sight we had； of course； and that sight I think I
like as well as Bob himself at Christmas； and at all seasons。 We went to
a certain garden of delight； where； whatever your cares are； I think you can
manage to forget some of them； and muse； and be not unhappy； to a
garden beginning with a Z； which is as lively as Noah's ark； where the
fox has brought his brush； and the cock has brought his comb； and the
elephant has brought his trunk； and the kangaroo has brought his bag； and
the condor his old white wig and black satin hood。 On this day it was so
cold that the white bears winked their pink eyes； as they plapped up and
down by their pool； and seemed to say； 〃Aha； this weather reminds us of
dear home！〃 〃Cold！ bah！ I have got such a warm coat；〃 says brother
Bruin； 〃I don't mind〃； and he laughs on his pole； and clucks down a bun。
The squealing hyaenas gnashed their teeth and laughed at us quite
refreshingly at their window； and； cold as it was； Tiger； Tiger； burning
bright； glared at us red…hot through his bars； and snorted blasts of hell。
The woolly camel leered at us quite kindly as he paced round his ring on
his silent pads。 We went to our favourite places。 Our dear wambat
came up； and had himself scratched very affably。 Our fellow… creatures
in the monkey room held out their little black hands； and piteously asked
us for Christmas alms。 Those darling alligators on their rock winked at
us in the most friendly way。 The solemn eagles sat alone； and scowled at
us from their peaks； whilst little Tom Ratel tumbled over head and heels
for us in his usual diverting manner。 If I have cares in my mind； I come
to the Zoo； and fancy they don't pass the gate。 I recognise my friends；
my enemies； in countless cages。 I entertained the eagle； the vulture； the
old billy…goat； and the black…pated； crimson…necked； blear…eyed； baggy；
hook…beaked old marabou stork yesterday at dinner； and when Bob's
aunt came to tea in the evening； and asked him what he had seen； he
stepped up to her gravely； and said
〃First I saw the white bear； then I saw the black； Then I saw the camel
with a hump upon his back。
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Chorus of Children
Then I saw the camel with a HUMP upon his back！
Then I saw the grey wolf； with mutton in his maw； Then I saw the
wambat waddle in the straw； Then I saw the elephant with his waving
trunk； Then I saw the monkeys mercy； how unpleasantly they smelt！〃
There。 No one can beat that piece of wit； can he Bob？ And so it is
over； but we had a jolly time； whilst you were with us； hadn't we？
Present my respects to the doctor； and I hope； my boy； we may spend
another merry Christmas next year。
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