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He raked a hand through his hair。 〃I know what you must be thinking
about me； but you're wrong。 It's unfair of you to blame me for what
happened to Jeff。〃
Anne had never blamed him for the crash。 But before she could tell him
that； he said； 〃It wasn't until February； when you were so sick and had
that nightmare about the accident and mentioned the court hearing； that
I began to wonder if there was a connection。 Contrary to your
assumption； I did not run right back to New York to check it out。〃 He
turned away and approached the hearth。 With an arm on its mantel； and a
foot on the ashstrewn grate； he was silent for several minutes。 〃I
didn't want to know；〃 he finally said。 〃My guilt feelings about that
accident were bad enough； without having to bear your scorn。〃
But he was missing the point！ She didn't blame him for the accident！
That wasn't the problem！
He went on without turning。 〃I was tortured ing back here in March。 I
knew I had to be with you； but I also knew you might hate me even more
afterward。〃 He pushed a hand through his hair。 〃You were bound to learn
the truth sooner or later。 I wanted to tell you myself I just 。。。
couldn't。〃
Slowly he turned to face her。 His eyes held unfathomable pain。 〃When we
made love； Anne； it was magnificent。 We might fight about little things；
but when we came together that day； it was heaven。 I kept thinking that
if you knew how much I loved you； you'd forgive me。 If I could have
prevented that accident；〃 he said on a note of defeat； 〃I would have；
believe me； I would have。〃
〃I never blamed you for that crash！〃
〃The guilt has been unbearable；〃 he said as though he hadn't heard her。
〃It's irrational and unjustified； but it's real。 You have no idea。
Between the plane and the car。。 。〃 He shook his head。
Anne was missing something。 Quietly； she said； 〃What car？〃
He turned away； took a shuddering breath； straightened in resignation。
〃My wife was killed in an automobile accident three weeks before that
plane crash。 It was late at night。 The roads were icy。 Our car was hit
head on by a man who'd had too much to drink。〃 He looked back over his
shoulder。 〃I was at the wheel。〃
Anne stared dumbly at him； and suddenly she was the one overwhelmed with
grief She hadn't asked how Mitch's wife had died； because that was
against the rules。 But she should have known that the death of a young
woman would be tragic no matter how it occurred。
〃It wasn't your fault；〃 she reasoned。
His eyes flashed。 〃I was driving！ If only I'd driven slower or faster；
or taken a different route。〃 He hung his head。 When he raised it again；
his anger was spent。 〃Remember the nightmare you had？ Mine was no dream。
I was able to pull Bey out of the car； only to watch her die in my arms。
There was nothing I could do。 A battered arm was the least of my
punishment。 The plane crash seemed an extension of it。 Then〃…he pressed
his lips together and nodded…〃then I found you。〃
Anne swallowed hard。 He wandered across the room； seeming aimless； as
though it didn't matter where he went。 She had never seen him like this；
had never heard his voice so bleak or so sad。
〃I had fallen in love with you long before I made the connection between
Jeff's death and my airline。 In an odd way； I felt you were my only
chance at happiness； at building a new life。 I was terrified of losing
you。 I didn't know what would happen when I told you what I knew。 I
wanted to think you'd understand； but the stakes were so high。〃
He turned to face her； earnest now。 〃I never lied to you about the
crash； Anne。 I just didn't tell you the whole truth。 It's tormented me
for months。 But the longer the deception went on； the worse my sin and
the greater the risk of ing clean。 I was afraid that once you knew；
you'd despise me。〃 For a long and heartrending moment； he stared at her。
Then he cursed softly。 〃What's； what's the use。 It's happened； and I
deserve it。 I was too blinded by my own need to see to yours。〃 He took a
ragged breath。 〃I just wonder when the punishment will end。〃 Turning on
his heel； he stalked out of the room； leaving Anne alone and in shock。
The slam of the back door jolted her； but even then it was a minute
before she could move。 Bolting up； she ran after him out of the house；
stumbling on the steps； catching herself and running on。 The hammer of
her heart made breathing difficult； but she didn't stop。
He was fast disappearing into the woods。 Frantically she followed；
running on through the low growth until she reached a clearing。 He sat
there with his back to her； brooding among the dandelions。 The sun
glanced off his hair in sparkles； but his hunched form was grim。
〃Mitch？〃
She crept nearer。
〃Mitch； I'm sorry； so sorry。〃 She tried to touch him； but pulled back
when he flinched。 So she hunkered down inches behind him and said； 〃I've
been wrong。 Please forgive me。 It was cruel of me not to listen； not to
even ask questions； but it hurt to know that there was so much I didn't
know； after everything that we'd shared。 Because of what we'd shared； I
should have given you the chance to explain； but I loved you so much。
Finding out who you were like that was awful。 Try to understand。〃
This time when she touched his shoulder； he allowed it。
〃I've always been nayve；〃 she explained not to make excuses for herself；
but so that Mitch would know more。 〃My life was easy and happy and
charmed。 Maybe I felt immune to tragedy。 I'd never known any； not until
the crash； and then I couldn't believe Jeff was gone。 It couldn't happen
to me。〃
She moved closer。 〃Then I found you。 I love you； Mitch。 I fought it for
a long time。 I was afraid of suffering the kind of pain I had suffered
loving Jeff and losing him。 When I saw you in that lawyer's office； the
two worlds came together。 I should have trusted you。 I should have known
that there was an explanation。 So help me； I was afraid to listen。 Maybe
I was punishing myself。 Maybe I was feeling guilty for finding happiness
with you。〃 Her voice broke。
His eyes met hers； then； and they were filled with the same
vulnerability she felt。 It gave her the strength to finish。
〃My God； Mitch； haven't we both suffered enough？ Isn't it time to end
the punishment？ I love you。〃
〃Do you； Anne？〃 he asked unsurely； huskily； hopefully。 〃Do you love me
enough to want to wake up in my arms every day； knowing that I make
mistakes？〃
〃Knowing that you're human？ It's a relief； y'know？〃
A sound came from his throat； no； from his soul； it was that deep； and
he pulled her around and crushed her in his arms。 〃I love you； Annie；〃
he whispered with a rush of feeling。 〃Don't ever； ever turn away from me
again。 Don't shut me out。 I can't survive it。〃
He kissed her； then pulled back and made a show of licking his lips。
〃Salt？〃
She smiled through her tears。 〃That's happiness。 You'll have to bear
with me。〃
〃I think I can manage it；〃 he said with infinite tenderness and brushed
the tears from her cheeks。 〃I do love you。〃
He showed her how much right there under the sun； worshipping her first
with clothes； then without； making love to her on the soft carpet of new
grass and dandelion puffs。 It was hotter； harder； sweeter than it had
ever been before； a preview of what it might be in twenty or thirty
years' time。
When later they lay still and let the sun stroke their naked bodies； she
nuzzled his neck。 〃This is heaven。〃
He patted her bottom。 〃Let's hope there's no poison ivy around here。〃
When she bolted upright； he burst out laughing。
〃Is there？〃 she asked。
He pulled her back to his chest。 〃No poison ivy。 Just me。〃
〃Will you give me a rash？〃
He laughed again。 〃Hopefully one very special itch now and again； never
a rash。〃
She stretching against him； so pleased to hear him laugh and know she
was its cause。 〃You have no idea how I love you。〃
〃Not as much as I love you。〃
〃No？ Wanna bet on that？〃
〃You're on；〃 he said and rolled over her to settle the matter。
Through no lack of trying； it was far from settled by the next morning。
Awakening with the sun in a happy glo his bed；
pulled on his large shirt； and went to the front door。 As it opened she
caught the sweet scent of the lilacs。 In the week's tumult she hadn't
noticed them before。 Now she smiled in delight at the shapely
pink…purple clusters and the full； rich fragrance。
Snapping off a small cluster； she returned to his bed； dropped the
shirt； and slid quietly between the sheets。 She lay on her stomach and
watched Mitch sleep； seeing the same peace on his face that she felt
inside。
One sleepy hazel eye opened。 He smiled lazily。
She moved the spray of lavender under his nose。 〃The lilacs are in
bloom。 Spring is here。〃 As her lover's hand wound through her hair to
draw her in for a good morning kiss； she knew that it truly was。
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