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to the judge my husband is still alive。 It was only because Hasan tried to take
advantage of me during his older brother’s absence； a failed assault that
embarrassed my father…in…law； that I was allowed to return to my father’s
home though not officially a widow。 But now that my father is dead and I am
without even a brother； there is no question that my only possible guardians
are my husband’s brother and my father…in…law。 They’ve already been
scheming to have me returned to their home； coercing my father； and
threatening me。 Once they hear my father is dead； they won’t hesitate to take
official action。 My only hope to prevent this is to conceal my father’s death。
Perhaps in vain； for they may be the ones behind the crime。”
At that very moment； a thin beam of light gracefully filtered through the
broken shutters and fell between Black and me； illuminating the ancient dust
inside the room。
“This isn’t the only reason I’m hiding my father’s death；” I said； fixing my
gaze into Black’s eyes； in which I was gladdened to see attentiveness more than
love。 “I’m also afraid of being unable to prove my whereabouts at the time of
my father’s murder。 Though she’s a slave and her word might be discounted；
I’m afraid that Hayriye is involved in these machinations； if not against me；
then against my father’s book。 And as long as I remain without a protector；
the announcement of my father’s murder； while initially simplifying matters
at home； might well； solely for the reasons I’ve enumerated； cause me great
misfortune at her hand； for instance； what if Hayriye is aware that my father
didn’t want me to marry you？”
“Your father didn’t want you to marry me？” asked Black。
“No； he didn’t； he was worried that you’d take me away from him。 Since
there’s no longer any danger of you doing such evil to him； let’s assume my
dear unfortunate father has no further objection。 Do you have any？”
“None at all； my darling。”
“Fine； then。 My guardian has no claims of money or gold on you。 Please
excuse the impropriety of my discussing marital circumstances on my own
209
behalf； but I have certain prerequisites that I must； unfortunately； explain to
you。”
As I fell silent for a while； Black said； “Yes；” in a manner that suggested an
apology for his hesitation。
“First；” I began； “you must swear before two witnesses that if you behave
badly toward me in our marriage； to a degree that I find unbearable； or if you
take a second wife； you will grant me a divorce with alimony。 Second； you
must swear before two witnesses that if for whatever reason you are absent
from the house for more than a six…month period without a visit； I will also be
granted a divorce with alimony。 Third； after we are married； you will of course
move into my home； however； until the villain who has murdered my father
has been caught or until you find him—how I’d love to torture him myself！—
and until Our Sultan’s book； pleted under the guidance of your talents
and efforts； has been honorably presented to Him； you will not share my bed。
Fourth； you will love my sons； who do share my bed with me； as if they were
your own children。”
“I agree。”
“Good。 If all of the obstacles that still lie before us disappear this quickly；
we’ll soon be wed。”
“Yes； wed； but not in the same bed。”
“The first step is marriage；” I said。 “Let’s see to that first。 Love es after
marriage。 Don’t forget： Marriage douses love’s flame； leaving nothing but a
barren and melancholy blackness。 Of course； after marriage； love itself will
vanish anyway； but happiness fills the void。 Still； there are those hasty fools
who fall in love before marrying and； burning with emotion； exhaust all their
feeling； believing love to be the highest goal in life。”
“What； then； is the truth of the matter？”
“The truth is contentment。 Love and marriage are but a means to obtaining
it： a husband； a house； children； a book。 Can’t you see that even in my state；
with a missing husband and a deceased father； I’m better off than you in your
isolation？ I’d die without my sons； with whom I spend my days laughing；
tussling and loving。 Moreover； since you long for me even in my present
predicament； since you secretly ache to spend the night with me—even if not
in the same bed—under the same roof with my father’s body and my unruly
children； you’re pelled to listen with all your heart to what I now have to
say。”
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“I’m listening。”
“There are various ways that I might secure a divorce。 False witnesses could
swear that before my husband set out on campaign； they witnessed him grant
me a conditional divorce； for example； that he’d pledged that if he didn’t
return within two years； I should be considered free。 Or； more simply； they
might swear they’d seen my husband’s corpse in the field of battle； citing
various convincing and descriptive details。 But taking my father’s body and
the objections of my in…laws into consideration； to rely on false witnesses
would be an unsound way to proceed； as no judge of any intelligence or
caution would be persuaded。 Considering that my husband left me without
alimony and hasn’t returned from war for four years； even judges of our
Hanefi creed couldn’t grant me a divorce。 The üsküdar judge； however；
knowing how the number of women in my situation is increasing each day； is
more sympathetic and so—with a nod from Our Excellency the Sultan and the
Sheikhulislam—the judge occasionally allows his proxy of the Shafü creed to
rule in his place； thereby granting divorces left and right to women like me；
including conditions of alimony。 Now； if you can find two witnesses to testify
openly to my predicament； pay them off； cross the Bosphorus with them to
the üsküdar side； arrange for the judge； making certain that his proxy will sit
in for him so the divorce might be granted by virtue of the witnesses； register
the divorce in the judge’s ledger； obtain a certificate testifying to the
proceeding； obtain written permission for my immediate remarriage； and if
you can acplish all of this and get back to this side of the Bosphorus by the
afternoon； then—assuming no difficulty in finding a preacher who might
marry us this evening—then； as my husband； you could spend this night with
me and my children。 Thereby； you’ll also spare us a sleepless night of hearing
in every creaking of the house the steps of that devilish murderer。 Moreover；
you’ll save me from the wretchedness of being a poor unprotected woman
when we announce the death of my father in the morning。”
“Yes；” said Black with good humor and somewhat childishly。 “Yes。 I agree to
make you mine。”
You remember how only recently I declared I didn’t know why I was
speaking to Black in such a high…handed and insincere manner。 Now I know：
I’ve e to realize that only by assuming such a tone might I convince
Black—who has yet to outgrow his childhood muddle…headedness—to believe
in the possibility of events that even I have a hard time believing will e to
pass。
211
“We have a lot to do in fighting our enemies； those who would obstruct the
pletion of my father’s book and those who could contest my divorce and
our marriage ceremony—which will be performed tonight； God willing。 But I
suppose I shouldn’t further confuse you； since you are already even more
confused than I。”
“You aren’t confused at all；” said Black。
“Perhaps； but only because these aren’t my own ideas； I learned them from
my father over the years。” I said this so he wouldn’t dismiss what I said；
assuming that these plans had sprung from my feminine mind。
Next； Black said what I’d heard from every man who wasn’t afraid to admit
he found me very intelligent：
“You’re very beautiful。”
“Yes；” I said； “it pleases me to be praised for my intelligence。 When I was a
child； my father would often do so。”
I was about to add that once I’d grown up my father ceased to praise my
intelligence； but I began to weep。 As I cried； it was as if I’d left myself and was
being another； entirely separate woman。 Like some reader troubled by a
sad picture in the pages of a book； I saw my life from the outside and pitied
what I saw。 There’s something so innocent in crying over one’s troubles； as
though they were another’s； that when Black embraced me； a sense of well…
being spread over us both。 Yet； this time； as we hugged； this sense of fort
remained there between us； unable to affect the adversaries circling us。
212
I AM CALLED BLACK
Widowed； abandoned and aggrieved； my beloved Shekure fled with fea